21 September 2009

The Happy Wench

I went outside two hours ago to the porch to clear the brain of webs in order to make room for dreams. I lit candles, opened a bottle of Prosecco, plugged music into my ears and settled in for an hour or so of blocking out the world. I sat there for a while with feet up, a sweet breeze cooling the air and suddenly realized I had a big fat grin on my face. All by myself, in the candle-lit darkness, smiling like an idiot! At that precise moment, I came to the realization that I am incredibly happy.

That ended the quiet time and got me to thinking about what was responsible for putting that unexpected smile on my face. I don't have a perfect life, but maybe the life I do have is perfect for me, at this time. I have friends who constantly tell me that they "hear" the change in me when they read my blog. I dance when I cook and I "cook" when I dance, kids! I can honestly say I don't know when I've felt this good. Is it mortality, getting older and realizing how much time was wasted on "waste"? I smile when I wake up and laugh out loud (to empty rooms) constantly, over the simplest things. It doesn't take much to make me happy lately.

I'm also open to so much more and entirely fearless. I just had a thought. When I moved back home, I think I buried who I was, really. I think this fearless, laughing, dancing, music-loving, head thrown back in joy woman has finally come home. I like this wench :)

As Dave Pahanish (one of my favorite singers) says "there's a chance for tomorrow, there's a reason for today, but it don't mean nothing if you throw it all away".

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