It's late again. I was restless earlier and decided to take myself out to the chair on the porch for a musing. I've missed the chair on the porch. Almost every night during the summer I'd taken myself out there to think, to be alone, to breathe. I needed to think tonight and so after making myself a warm drink and bundling up, I braved the cold. And it was cold...and clear, beautiful and peaceful.
As I sat there letting the cold air settle around me, I recalled a question a friend had asked me earlier in the day, "How is life treating you?". I recall I gave a simple standard answer, "Just fine" to such a profound question. And that got me to thinking, it isn't so much how life is treating me but the way in which I am regarding life. No life is ideal, mine least of all. Can you imagine a life so perfect that there would be nothing new to look forward to, nothing to cause excitement, nothing to make you think, to decide, to feel, no new opportunities or risks. How very boring and sterile an environment that would be.
I've treated life badly in the past. Buried it under worry, anger, resentment, sorrow, apathy, doubt and self-pity. I've completely missed beautiful days, happy occasions, moments of peace, because of my refusal to see beyond the curtain I'd placed between myself and my life. Days upon days have disappeared, never to be given back. But no longer and not for some time now. It isn't that I don't have worries, doubts or bad days anymore. It isn't that I don't cry, feel sorrow or anger. Its simply that I've accepted that these things are just parts of my life, not the whole package and I've realized that I can see beyond them now.
This better treatment of life has opened up worlds for me. I write, I laugh, I wake up happy. I've opened my life up to new people, new places, new experiences. I'm fierce, fearless and more gentle. I take more risks, just so I won't have to wonder "what if" ever again. I welcome what life sends my way now. It is, after all, the only one I have and I will treat it well.
Life is.....what I make of it everyday. Its my choice to welcome it or to let it slip away. I won't let it slip away from me again.