Lights Out

a child's question
pulls my attention
from a book to his questing eyes
     'did you ever fall in love?'
i scramble for an answer
     'yes, a few times'
and he volleys back
     'what's it feel like?'
i hesitate and search
for kid-safe, cookie-cutter replies
then notice that he's serious
as only a child can be
so i lean in and say,
     'it's beautiful and fun
      it makes the world a better place
      you feel safe and happy, your heart
      feels full and sometimes it can hurt
      you'll know what it feels like some day'
he shakes his head
     ' i don't think i want to, grown-ups
      say love but they're angry and sad
      i don't want to feel the way grown-ups look'
i ask
     'do i look that way?'
rueing the question before it falls from my lips,
and without hesitation he says
     ' yeah, sometimes your eyes get all blurry
      and soft, kinda like the lights go out
      in your head'
i have no words and as he moves on to another
discussion, as only a child can do, i stand
walk to a mirror
stare long and hard
willing the lights
to stay on
in my head